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Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Been hectic fun days at this few days!
26th August 2011.
For the first time in a really long time there wasn't CCA on a Friday, and i wasn't planning to waste such a good opportunity anytime soon! Got back some of my results today. And i was quite happy with them, but i am more worried for the current issues, like A maths Trigo, which i completely do not understand, starting from chapter 6, gonna have a huge problem if i don't catch up soon. So yea, after school me, hong xiang, hong wei, marcus tan, clarence and Joshua went to eat buffet at Shabu-sushi at Hougang mall. And it was a blast. It only costs $12.80, cause weekday and student price. So yea at first the bus stop was imba crowded cause most schools were released at that time and people crowded for the bus. After a few mins of discussion and contemplation, we concluded that incoming buses will not be accessible due to the throngs of people, and we would have to wait for 3-4 buses before the bus stop will be clear enough for boarding a bus. Hence we walked all the way to Hougang mall and chatted on the way. It was gonna be an awesome day. The journey took us slightly less than 20 mins and we arrived with much enthusiasm and empty stomaches. Taking our places immediately, we ordered our first dishes - sushi. we originally ordered 36, but due to a breakdown in communication we received only 20 sushis, and after a tremendous amount of time. Hence we started off with our hotpots first. I took a slow approach this time, as i wanted to enjoy it as much as possible, and started off with light stuff like tang hun and a little beef. I did not cram food this time but took my time about consuming. We were done in after about 1.5 hours. So we started to play truth and dare but it didn't really took off, still everyone had a great time and there were funny jokes in between that split our sides too. We arrived at 1.30 and left at 3.20. Towards the end i ravaged 3 ice creams and 3 bowls of cheng teng, it was delicious and palatable. Paid our bill and left. Me and Joshua took 147 back to XMS and we departed ways there. Headed to David's house for practise for our old folk's home night, scheduled to be on 10 December at night, we were going to sing Tong Hua. Hence so there i heard some nice songs which i am going to listen to when i return back. Arrived at 4pm and ate alot of David's gingerbread cookies, which was delicious and mouth-watering. Left at 5.40pm and took 109 back with Wen Zhi and Qi Xuan. Rushed back home for a game of DOTA with Ivan, Zun Cheng, Kaw Chun and Randy. Had my first hand at playing Sand King and it was quite a fun character to use. Had fun throughout the whole day then. Awesome.
27th August 2011.
Practically almost did nothing today.
26th August 2011.
For the first time in a really long time there wasn't CCA on a Friday, and i wasn't planning to waste such a good opportunity anytime soon! Got back some of my results today. And i was quite happy with them, but i am more worried for the current issues, like A maths Trigo, which i completely do not understand, starting from chapter 6, gonna have a huge problem if i don't catch up soon. So yea, after school me, hong xiang, hong wei, marcus tan, clarence and Joshua went to eat buffet at Shabu-sushi at Hougang mall. And it was a blast. It only costs $12.80, cause weekday and student price. So yea at first the bus stop was imba crowded cause most schools were released at that time and people crowded for the bus. After a few mins of discussion and contemplation, we concluded that incoming buses will not be accessible due to the throngs of people, and we would have to wait for 3-4 buses before the bus stop will be clear enough for boarding a bus. Hence we walked all the way to Hougang mall and chatted on the way. It was gonna be an awesome day. The journey took us slightly less than 20 mins and we arrived with much enthusiasm and empty stomaches. Taking our places immediately, we ordered our first dishes - sushi. we originally ordered 36, but due to a breakdown in communication we received only 20 sushis, and after a tremendous amount of time. Hence we started off with our hotpots first. I took a slow approach this time, as i wanted to enjoy it as much as possible, and started off with light stuff like tang hun and a little beef. I did not cram food this time but took my time about consuming. We were done in after about 1.5 hours. So we started to play truth and dare but it didn't really took off, still everyone had a great time and there were funny jokes in between that split our sides too. We arrived at 1.30 and left at 3.20. Towards the end i ravaged 3 ice creams and 3 bowls of cheng teng, it was delicious and palatable. Paid our bill and left. Me and Joshua took 147 back to XMS and we departed ways there. Headed to David's house for practise for our old folk's home night, scheduled to be on 10 December at night, we were going to sing Tong Hua. Hence so there i heard some nice songs which i am going to listen to when i return back. Arrived at 4pm and ate alot of David's gingerbread cookies, which was delicious and mouth-watering. Left at 5.40pm and took 109 back with Wen Zhi and Qi Xuan. Rushed back home for a game of DOTA with Ivan, Zun Cheng, Kaw Chun and Randy. Had my first hand at playing Sand King and it was quite a fun character to use. Had fun throughout the whole day then. Awesome.
27th August 2011.
Practically almost did nothing today.
Jesusfreak at 8:22 AM
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Topic: These days, students study only to attain paper achievements, and not to gather knowledge on their own accord. What is your views?
Learning is an innate human desire to gather information from his surroundings to satisfy his curiosity towards the unknown. It was this desire that has sparked mankind's gradual progression from a cave-living being to the kings guarding our Earth today. From archaeological findings consolidated over years of research, we discover the journey of man. In the early days of our first existence, man lived on raw meat and fruits of trees. But it was our desire for a better life that early man slowly gathered information on accomplishing survival procedures more efficiently. Thus we emerged into the age of hunters and gatherers, where man used weapons like sharp sticks to hunt wild game for food for survival.
Returning closer to our familiar generation, in the 1900s, we can infer several excellent examples of learning and experimenting not for the sake of qualifications, but to achieve betterment for all mankind. Take for example the Wright Brothers. They painstakingly experimented and studied aerodynamics, all for a belief that was refuted by professors of their time: To design and build a vehicle that will carry man through the air for considerable distances. Their purpose? To improve travel efficiency between long-distanced travels, for the benefit and further development of mankind. It was the explicit display of learning not for achieving paper qualifications only, but for improving humankind's welfare.
Sadly, this innate wish for learning for humankind has diminished greatly. with the emergence of rote and controlled learning, distinct of our 21st century generation, which we must endure under our 10 years of basic education, this desire has been diluted with the pressure from society to learn only knowledge that the job sector require, in order to achieve paper qualifications to secure a well-paying job that ensures stability and handsome money. With the skyrocketing increase in our world population, there is also an increased number of job-seekers each year craving for a part of the employment pie, this mounting competition in turn increases pressure which our parents and teachers heap on us to achieve our degrees, honours, masters or even PHds to increase the chance of landing a high-paying occupation which offers attractive pecuniary gains. This is no phenomenon, and the pressure will not dissipate but rather escalate with the emergence of a more advanced education system in previously less developed countries of India and China, vastly increasing the number of graduates eligible for executive jobs in the international market. Thus, the desire and pressure for us to attain a satisfying career has redefined our approach towards education, from the want to attain new knowledge for our own curiosity, to the need to achieve paper qualifications for job applications. Gone by were the days of great innovation in the 20th century whereby the rising wish for a better society which everyone can enjoy saw backward countries reliant on agriculture for nourishment transform into grand cities with towering skyscrapers and industrial factories producing not only daily necessities, but luxuries to even the common man, all in just less than a century.
Learning is an innate human desire to gather information from his surroundings to satisfy his curiosity towards the unknown. It was this desire that has sparked mankind's gradual progression from a cave-living being to the kings guarding our Earth today. From archaeological findings consolidated over years of research, we discover the journey of man. In the early days of our first existence, man lived on raw meat and fruits of trees. But it was our desire for a better life that early man slowly gathered information on accomplishing survival procedures more efficiently. Thus we emerged into the age of hunters and gatherers, where man used weapons like sharp sticks to hunt wild game for food for survival.
Returning closer to our familiar generation, in the 1900s, we can infer several excellent examples of learning and experimenting not for the sake of qualifications, but to achieve betterment for all mankind. Take for example the Wright Brothers. They painstakingly experimented and studied aerodynamics, all for a belief that was refuted by professors of their time: To design and build a vehicle that will carry man through the air for considerable distances. Their purpose? To improve travel efficiency between long-distanced travels, for the benefit and further development of mankind. It was the explicit display of learning not for achieving paper qualifications only, but for improving humankind's welfare.
Sadly, this innate wish for learning for humankind has diminished greatly. with the emergence of rote and controlled learning, distinct of our 21st century generation, which we must endure under our 10 years of basic education, this desire has been diluted with the pressure from society to learn only knowledge that the job sector require, in order to achieve paper qualifications to secure a well-paying job that ensures stability and handsome money. With the skyrocketing increase in our world population, there is also an increased number of job-seekers each year craving for a part of the employment pie, this mounting competition in turn increases pressure which our parents and teachers heap on us to achieve our degrees, honours, masters or even PHds to increase the chance of landing a high-paying occupation which offers attractive pecuniary gains. This is no phenomenon, and the pressure will not dissipate but rather escalate with the emergence of a more advanced education system in previously less developed countries of India and China, vastly increasing the number of graduates eligible for executive jobs in the international market. Thus, the desire and pressure for us to attain a satisfying career has redefined our approach towards education, from the want to attain new knowledge for our own curiosity, to the need to achieve paper qualifications for job applications. Gone by were the days of great innovation in the 20th century whereby the rising wish for a better society which everyone can enjoy saw backward countries reliant on agriculture for nourishment transform into grand cities with towering skyscrapers and industrial factories producing not only daily necessities, but luxuries to even the common man, all in just less than a century.
Jesusfreak at 7:16 AM
Jesusfreak at 7:16 AM
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Today I read the magazine:
Broader Perspectives: The Dark Side Of The World.
I opened the magazine with little more intention then to improve my understanding of the English Language. However, the contents inside brought me deeper in my understanding and perception of our world dramatically. The articles of the magazine featured one main topic: The ins-and-outs of Organised Crime in our modern society.
But what was most disturbing, was the report that 2.5 million people have been illegally trafficked for a host of inhuman purposes: Forced labour, the sex industry being just a few examples in the long list of atrocities. How can someone be driven to such an unhuman and callous extent as to treat a fellow human as an item and a source of income. It is indeed perplexing as to how deep and dark are the innermost nature of us humans can be. It is a crime not only against laws, but also against humanity itself.
And the diabolic worsens. It is indeed a disgrace to humans that the term 'disposable' people has to be coined to describe victims who are exploited extensively without a short period of time and then abandoned on the streets to fend for their livelihoods after they have served their purpose of delivering income or labour to their unfeeling captors.
It is not possible to describe in measure the atrocities of these felonious individuals with words alone, their crime and sin can only be justified by corporal punishment, for the damage they have created to the innocents are immeasurable.
It does not end here. Egocentric individuals in the medical profession have cut corners in the production of healthcare products, resulting in bogus and lethal medicine that are no more than poisons, and to disastrous effect with the deaths of thousands of innocent victims, just because of a pecuniary desires. For example, in the Panama Cough Syrup scandal, an actual ingredient of the medicine, glycerine was exchanged for the nephrotoxic diethylene. The result? 365 innocent peopl became casualties, and many more were scarred for life.
All these facts report the darkest side of our human being, the choice to abandon the basic laws of human nature just for monetary gains. While it is difficult to vision how people can commit such a humanitarian crime, it is controversial to announce the root of the problem: Ourselves. Organised crime exists for a reason: To achieve profits illegally by appealing to us consumer's desires. Be it for pleasure or for percuniary gains, it does not change the hard truth that we ourselves are the root of this rising and troubling enigma. I will explain this hard-to-swallow claim in the following paragraph.
Like all businesses, Organised crime is run on just one intention: To gain profits, just through means not approved by the law.
And what better by appealing to our inner desires, be it for sexual or personal pleasure, by providing consumers with sexual services, drugs, illegal arms, organs and endangered species'. It is because we succumb to these services and provide them with handsome monetary gains in exchange that we are fuelling the wheels of a worldwide problem. No amount of laws, restrictions, penalties and security will be able to cripple the international syndicates, but only if we resist to succumbing to funding these organisations. Without demand for these illegal services, syndicates are unable to operate and thus will gradually diminish into non-exsistence. Indeed, these atrocities committed against mankind itself has ironically arose from us ourselves only.
I urge everyone who may be reading this, young and old, rich or poor, to never ever concede to these forbidden services offered by these callous criminals, to do so would be akin to supporting these illegal syndicates itself. Stop it today, take a stand against crime.
Broader Perspectives: The Dark Side Of The World.
I opened the magazine with little more intention then to improve my understanding of the English Language. However, the contents inside brought me deeper in my understanding and perception of our world dramatically. The articles of the magazine featured one main topic: The ins-and-outs of Organised Crime in our modern society.
But what was most disturbing, was the report that 2.5 million people have been illegally trafficked for a host of inhuman purposes: Forced labour, the sex industry being just a few examples in the long list of atrocities. How can someone be driven to such an unhuman and callous extent as to treat a fellow human as an item and a source of income. It is indeed perplexing as to how deep and dark are the innermost nature of us humans can be. It is a crime not only against laws, but also against humanity itself.
And the diabolic worsens. It is indeed a disgrace to humans that the term 'disposable' people has to be coined to describe victims who are exploited extensively without a short period of time and then abandoned on the streets to fend for their livelihoods after they have served their purpose of delivering income or labour to their unfeeling captors.
It is not possible to describe in measure the atrocities of these felonious individuals with words alone, their crime and sin can only be justified by corporal punishment, for the damage they have created to the innocents are immeasurable.
It does not end here. Egocentric individuals in the medical profession have cut corners in the production of healthcare products, resulting in bogus and lethal medicine that are no more than poisons, and to disastrous effect with the deaths of thousands of innocent victims, just because of a pecuniary desires. For example, in the Panama Cough Syrup scandal, an actual ingredient of the medicine, glycerine was exchanged for the nephrotoxic diethylene. The result? 365 innocent peopl became casualties, and many more were scarred for life.
All these facts report the darkest side of our human being, the choice to abandon the basic laws of human nature just for monetary gains. While it is difficult to vision how people can commit such a humanitarian crime, it is controversial to announce the root of the problem: Ourselves. Organised crime exists for a reason: To achieve profits illegally by appealing to us consumer's desires. Be it for pleasure or for percuniary gains, it does not change the hard truth that we ourselves are the root of this rising and troubling enigma. I will explain this hard-to-swallow claim in the following paragraph.
Like all businesses, Organised crime is run on just one intention: To gain profits, just through means not approved by the law.
And what better by appealing to our inner desires, be it for sexual or personal pleasure, by providing consumers with sexual services, drugs, illegal arms, organs and endangered species'. It is because we succumb to these services and provide them with handsome monetary gains in exchange that we are fuelling the wheels of a worldwide problem. No amount of laws, restrictions, penalties and security will be able to cripple the international syndicates, but only if we resist to succumbing to funding these organisations. Without demand for these illegal services, syndicates are unable to operate and thus will gradually diminish into non-exsistence. Indeed, these atrocities committed against mankind itself has ironically arose from us ourselves only.
I urge everyone who may be reading this, young and old, rich or poor, to never ever concede to these forbidden services offered by these callous criminals, to do so would be akin to supporting these illegal syndicates itself. Stop it today, take a stand against crime.
Jesusfreak at 9:00 AM
Friday, August 26, 2011
Things are starting to really pick up. Diary entries here.
Saturday 20th August 2011.
Went to church, then i left church early at 6pm to join my mum and brother and jamie at Farrer park mrt station, and then we went to eat at Momoji in city square mall. Started eating at around 7pm, and the food there was great. There was salmon belly although they didnt restock it, and there was great desserts like tiramisu cakes, cream eclairs, green tea cakes, cheese/oreo cakes and more. Then they also had beef steak, clams, the usual. I ate about 10 snow crab legs too! it wasnt really tasty though. What i really enjoyed most was the dessert i guess. Cost $30 per person though, really expensive. So yea, had a really good time. My brother took alot of salmon, almost like 3 plates of it and i think he got full from eating it. I tried a little bit of everything too. Finally at around 9 we ended and returned.
Sunday 21th August 2011.
Met Ka Wee, ACS and vincent in the morning at SKCC and then we chatted a little, then went to skcc to play a little bit first. Played from 12-2 then we left for AMK where ACS and ka wee having tuition. It was at Hwi Yoh CC, they had a basketball court outside there too. Then Gerald was late so he took a later bus then us. Chatted in the bus too. Then at about 3pm we reached the CC and ACS and ka wee went off for tuition first. Gerald arrived soon after and we studied. Talked alot actually haha. So yea at about 5.30 we went to play first, and then we played with some foreigners who were really tall, we won by 11-10 only. Then next match a european joined us. He was really tall and physical and we played 4v4 half court. It was a really good match though. Vincent improved a lot and he scored like 6-7 balls. I only grabbed rebounds. Finally at around 6.30 i left for home first.
Monday 22th August 2011:
Great training! i think i did really well in training. Throughout the day was quite hyper and had fun. when i went back had discussion with my group at 9pm about the jumbo sales, unfortunately i did not do alot of work.
Tuesday 23th August 2011:
4th session of Level 3 workshop... Its like so near the end le. This lesson was on effective delegation skills. After school was quite a hectic time although we managed to complete maths project with Julia and Lin Zhen. Best thing was we took 100% of the content from a pdf file on google! imba funny! But i was glad we had it over and done with. Wish not so many projects, wonder why teachers keep spamming.
Today's lesson was quite dry, we started off with presentations by several other groups first. Then i decided to observe what Ethen does and how to present slides and information in a proffessional way, recorded it down in my notepad. Today Ethen gave alot of anecdotes, some of they deep in meaning and brought about a sombre mood, talking about the condition of old folks, he inspired me to do much better than myself, and to probably take on these events in the future too. I think im becoming more of an introvert, im starting to want to take time off for myself more, to become absorbed within my own thoughts, and stay over from some friendships, what am i doing? I wonder. So yea it was around 7 when we ended so i ate dinner with kaw chun and Ivan kwee at coffeeshop.
Wednesday 24th August 2011
For PE we had basketball, and so we played with people from 301. We split up into 3 teams of 5, and then played full court matches rotating on 5 min rounds. Was really fun although we lost one match. Then after school i went out to eat with chessneth ben and ka wee. Chatted. Then when we returned back to school it was still quite early so we went to the fitness corner and met up with kaw chun and clarence. Benjamin was really funny as he tried to do alot of warm ups just for a single pull up! Then zheng cong arrived with a soccer ball and we borrowed it and me, kaw chun vs ben and glen in soccer 2v2. We won the match like 3-2 but good thing was we really had alot of fun. This sparked my interest in soccer too.
Hope to learn it from kaw chun.
Training was really tiring and i didnt do well in positions, i keep getting blocked and keep spiking with my left hand, although its improving.
Thursday 25th August 2011:
5th level 3 workshop training, the 2nd last one before the we go to our grand finale. feels kinda sad that this journey is gonna be over le. I hope that i can join level 4 but the chances are really slim indeed. Help... so yea after geography me jun ji clarence and ivan went out for lunch opposite school. I ate roti prata. Then we returned at around 3.30, to start the workshop. We started off with a fun game of Mahjong game. Although we didnt really play mahjong style but use the mahjong tiles only as an item. We were supposed to collect all or 36 of the same kind of tiles. We started off with random tiles but then can trade any number of tiles with the other team to achieve our objective. I acted like an idiot although it was quite funny and we enjoyed the whole game thoroughly although it was stressful. Although we didn't win it thought us the importance of looking out for important matters which might appear out of the blue. The lesson was relatively short though. We had lesson on delegation.
didnt receive any positive charges but i still hoping got ppl will give me haha.
Ended at 7+ and then went home with jia shen and chatted with him.
26th August 2011.
Fun day, absolutely. Received back some test marks and i was quite happy. But i think i recently slacked alot in my work and A maths also got alot of stuff to study. I must put more time into it.
Saturday 20th August 2011.
Went to church, then i left church early at 6pm to join my mum and brother and jamie at Farrer park mrt station, and then we went to eat at Momoji in city square mall. Started eating at around 7pm, and the food there was great. There was salmon belly although they didnt restock it, and there was great desserts like tiramisu cakes, cream eclairs, green tea cakes, cheese/oreo cakes and more. Then they also had beef steak, clams, the usual. I ate about 10 snow crab legs too! it wasnt really tasty though. What i really enjoyed most was the dessert i guess. Cost $30 per person though, really expensive. So yea, had a really good time. My brother took alot of salmon, almost like 3 plates of it and i think he got full from eating it. I tried a little bit of everything too. Finally at around 9 we ended and returned.
Sunday 21th August 2011.
Met Ka Wee, ACS and vincent in the morning at SKCC and then we chatted a little, then went to skcc to play a little bit first. Played from 12-2 then we left for AMK where ACS and ka wee having tuition. It was at Hwi Yoh CC, they had a basketball court outside there too. Then Gerald was late so he took a later bus then us. Chatted in the bus too. Then at about 3pm we reached the CC and ACS and ka wee went off for tuition first. Gerald arrived soon after and we studied. Talked alot actually haha. So yea at about 5.30 we went to play first, and then we played with some foreigners who were really tall, we won by 11-10 only. Then next match a european joined us. He was really tall and physical and we played 4v4 half court. It was a really good match though. Vincent improved a lot and he scored like 6-7 balls. I only grabbed rebounds. Finally at around 6.30 i left for home first.
Monday 22th August 2011:
Great training! i think i did really well in training. Throughout the day was quite hyper and had fun. when i went back had discussion with my group at 9pm about the jumbo sales, unfortunately i did not do alot of work.
Tuesday 23th August 2011:
4th session of Level 3 workshop... Its like so near the end le. This lesson was on effective delegation skills. After school was quite a hectic time although we managed to complete maths project with Julia and Lin Zhen. Best thing was we took 100% of the content from a pdf file on google! imba funny! But i was glad we had it over and done with. Wish not so many projects, wonder why teachers keep spamming.
Today's lesson was quite dry, we started off with presentations by several other groups first. Then i decided to observe what Ethen does and how to present slides and information in a proffessional way, recorded it down in my notepad. Today Ethen gave alot of anecdotes, some of they deep in meaning and brought about a sombre mood, talking about the condition of old folks, he inspired me to do much better than myself, and to probably take on these events in the future too. I think im becoming more of an introvert, im starting to want to take time off for myself more, to become absorbed within my own thoughts, and stay over from some friendships, what am i doing? I wonder. So yea it was around 7 when we ended so i ate dinner with kaw chun and Ivan kwee at coffeeshop.
Wednesday 24th August 2011
For PE we had basketball, and so we played with people from 301. We split up into 3 teams of 5, and then played full court matches rotating on 5 min rounds. Was really fun although we lost one match. Then after school i went out to eat with chessneth ben and ka wee. Chatted. Then when we returned back to school it was still quite early so we went to the fitness corner and met up with kaw chun and clarence. Benjamin was really funny as he tried to do alot of warm ups just for a single pull up! Then zheng cong arrived with a soccer ball and we borrowed it and me, kaw chun vs ben and glen in soccer 2v2. We won the match like 3-2 but good thing was we really had alot of fun. This sparked my interest in soccer too.
Hope to learn it from kaw chun.
Training was really tiring and i didnt do well in positions, i keep getting blocked and keep spiking with my left hand, although its improving.
Thursday 25th August 2011:
5th level 3 workshop training, the 2nd last one before the we go to our grand finale. feels kinda sad that this journey is gonna be over le. I hope that i can join level 4 but the chances are really slim indeed. Help... so yea after geography me jun ji clarence and ivan went out for lunch opposite school. I ate roti prata. Then we returned at around 3.30, to start the workshop. We started off with a fun game of Mahjong game. Although we didnt really play mahjong style but use the mahjong tiles only as an item. We were supposed to collect all or 36 of the same kind of tiles. We started off with random tiles but then can trade any number of tiles with the other team to achieve our objective. I acted like an idiot although it was quite funny and we enjoyed the whole game thoroughly although it was stressful. Although we didn't win it thought us the importance of looking out for important matters which might appear out of the blue. The lesson was relatively short though. We had lesson on delegation.
didnt receive any positive charges but i still hoping got ppl will give me haha.
Ended at 7+ and then went home with jia shen and chatted with him.
26th August 2011.
Fun day, absolutely. Received back some test marks and i was quite happy. But i think i recently slacked alot in my work and A maths also got alot of stuff to study. I must put more time into it.
Jesusfreak at 5:01 AM
Monday, August 22, 2011
I have to learn to trust in God more. To trust in him to deliver me from trespasses. God be the solution. But only if we trust in him. Many times i run into trouble, lose stuff, or screw up, first thing i do is try to correct the problem myself, but God reminds me to turn to him first, utter a quick prayer, it puts my mind at ease, and ideas come easier, sometimes things even settle back into place.
I'm learning to fall back onto God, not only when all else fails, but everytime of my life. I think its not fair that i only turn to God only when i'm down and out, and not when i am living well. Nobody likes being somebody else's second plan, it just isnt fair to anyone. What if i am God's second plan too? Like that i wont even be who i am now, i will be some run away kid already. God is great indeed.
Some say that do unto others what u want others to do unto you.. What if i seek others friendships but it just doesnt reciprorate. What if i wait for people but the opposite isnt true? Maybe im just thinking too much, after all every situation is different, and for the other party the situation would not be favourable for him.
Why do i keep turning to others and wish i have their life, i should be content with my own life. I have 3 meals a day, and clothing and all basic neseccities, actually in fact 5 meals a day, alot of clothing i dun need and most things i want. But what i look at others for is freedom, because my parents always limit this area of my life. I want freedom, at least to undertake some decisions like overnight stays and stuff. Why cant they allow me? Why don't they trust me? Why are they so protective of me? Its love, but i just cant seem to accept it, why do i live in a nutshell head.... Why am i so stubborn?
Recently nowadays i have been doing less and less work. I think im overcomplacent and overconfident of my own knowledge. I should really pull up my socks once again at least so i dun fall behind too much. I just hope to not drop too much from my current position ba, but i think that today's trigo test is a revelation for me cause i never did it well. I left 8/35 marks blank. Means no A2 comfirmed. I just hope to get a B3, and work hard for the next test. Currently now im only studying for tests, at least i hope to score well in my tests so exams not so stress le. Right now i just want to complete my experiences list, in which i write all the stuff that i would like to experience by the end of this year, hope i can complete it! And plus more!
All the best to everyone out htere!
I'm learning to fall back onto God, not only when all else fails, but everytime of my life. I think its not fair that i only turn to God only when i'm down and out, and not when i am living well. Nobody likes being somebody else's second plan, it just isnt fair to anyone. What if i am God's second plan too? Like that i wont even be who i am now, i will be some run away kid already. God is great indeed.
Some say that do unto others what u want others to do unto you.. What if i seek others friendships but it just doesnt reciprorate. What if i wait for people but the opposite isnt true? Maybe im just thinking too much, after all every situation is different, and for the other party the situation would not be favourable for him.
Why do i keep turning to others and wish i have their life, i should be content with my own life. I have 3 meals a day, and clothing and all basic neseccities, actually in fact 5 meals a day, alot of clothing i dun need and most things i want. But what i look at others for is freedom, because my parents always limit this area of my life. I want freedom, at least to undertake some decisions like overnight stays and stuff. Why cant they allow me? Why don't they trust me? Why are they so protective of me? Its love, but i just cant seem to accept it, why do i live in a nutshell head.... Why am i so stubborn?
Recently nowadays i have been doing less and less work. I think im overcomplacent and overconfident of my own knowledge. I should really pull up my socks once again at least so i dun fall behind too much. I just hope to not drop too much from my current position ba, but i think that today's trigo test is a revelation for me cause i never did it well. I left 8/35 marks blank. Means no A2 comfirmed. I just hope to get a B3, and work hard for the next test. Currently now im only studying for tests, at least i hope to score well in my tests so exams not so stress le. Right now i just want to complete my experiences list, in which i write all the stuff that i would like to experience by the end of this year, hope i can complete it! And plus more!
All the best to everyone out htere!
Jesusfreak at 6:04 AM
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I feel like a monster. Everything i do.
Hypocrite, rude, never keep to my promises, set goals but never complete them, don't stick to my commitments, pangseh friends, judge, flawed perceptions.
All my traits.
It may not seem so, but i am actually not a nice person, but inwardly im a different person. If only my emotions can be displayed out. Hiding all the negative traits is just a blanket of positive traits only, inwardly my emotions battle with me whole day. Between doing the right thing and doing things that i enjoy.
Like lying to my father. he always calls me everyday at around the afternoon to ask me where i am. Although its irritating, i know its because he cares.
The right thing to do would be to tell him the truth.
But because i want to keep going out, cause he doesnt want me to go out too much as he wants me to study, i lie to him that i am somewhere else and reject his call.
Like Dao-ing sms-es or people. I made a vow and i self-claim that i will never hate anybody nor reject anyone for any reason. Apparently i failed at this. So far i have owed 6 ppl. And the list keeps going on. How am i going to face the world? how can i even keep to my word?
The right thing to do would be to: Keep to my word, reciprocrate all friendships, and reply sms-es within a 20min timeframe.
What i am doing: I don't reciprocrate all, i am still a naive fool looking seeking for black gold without a map. And i sometimes dun reply sms-es. Damn. The feeling of getting ur sms-es dao-ed is not good, so i must not let others feel like that...
Like Being rude to my parents. Sometimes my parents ask me redundant questions. Its because they care, but because i only want to be absorbed in my own little bubble i tend to be rude to them in the hope that they would quickly leave asking me.
The right thing to do would be: To chat with them and cherish what precious little time we have together, alas im too naive...
What i am doing: I just failed... Failed in everything if i cant even reply my parents politely but consider the opinions of friends so much. My parents should be like my priority right? so what am i doing? ... i really suck.
But what did i do right? I know it is like wrong to say positive things about myself but hey yea, i think it helps in my self discovery.
I encourage people: I love encouraging people with my smileys and more, i like to make other people smile, at least let them know that there is happiness to be found in this world. :D Thus i put alot of smileys in my texts and stuff. I know that compared to many others i live a luxurious life, and i should not abuse it, rather i should try to at least spread the love around. I want to do volunteer work to raise funds. I think that is what my life mission is for: To bring a smile to others faces.
I wonder what makes me popular? Or am i just living in a dream, maybe im not popular at all but i have just wrapped a blanket over myself. That is what i am most afraid about. That i am blind to my own negative side and never change them. HAha if your reading this, if u feel i have anything that i can improve on in any areas of my life, please tell me!!! :D i would greatly appreciate it, and i wont be offended, rather i will be really grateful to you! :D
So many thoughts surrounding me this days, most likely because i force myself to think about this kind of stuff so that i can be a better person. I just wanna be a better person someday.
Diary: Friday 19th August 2011:
Normal typical day at school:
I GREATLY DISLIKE typing those words above. Typical day at school! Why can't everyday
be like an extraordinary memorable day that i can really blog about rather htan the usual stuff? Like seriously, life is too precious to be wasted on this kinda ordinary stuff!!!
Diary: 20th August 2011:
Man i feel sad, like seriously no outings le. I wonder if everyone's busy or just that i am getting left out, i hope not kena pangseh, i would be really sad ...
Hypocrite, rude, never keep to my promises, set goals but never complete them, don't stick to my commitments, pangseh friends, judge, flawed perceptions.
All my traits.
It may not seem so, but i am actually not a nice person, but inwardly im a different person. If only my emotions can be displayed out. Hiding all the negative traits is just a blanket of positive traits only, inwardly my emotions battle with me whole day. Between doing the right thing and doing things that i enjoy.
Like lying to my father. he always calls me everyday at around the afternoon to ask me where i am. Although its irritating, i know its because he cares.
The right thing to do would be to tell him the truth.
But because i want to keep going out, cause he doesnt want me to go out too much as he wants me to study, i lie to him that i am somewhere else and reject his call.
Like Dao-ing sms-es or people. I made a vow and i self-claim that i will never hate anybody nor reject anyone for any reason. Apparently i failed at this. So far i have owed 6 ppl. And the list keeps going on. How am i going to face the world? how can i even keep to my word?
The right thing to do would be to: Keep to my word, reciprocrate all friendships, and reply sms-es within a 20min timeframe.
What i am doing: I don't reciprocrate all, i am still a naive fool looking seeking for black gold without a map. And i sometimes dun reply sms-es. Damn. The feeling of getting ur sms-es dao-ed is not good, so i must not let others feel like that...
Like Being rude to my parents. Sometimes my parents ask me redundant questions. Its because they care, but because i only want to be absorbed in my own little bubble i tend to be rude to them in the hope that they would quickly leave asking me.
The right thing to do would be: To chat with them and cherish what precious little time we have together, alas im too naive...
What i am doing: I just failed... Failed in everything if i cant even reply my parents politely but consider the opinions of friends so much. My parents should be like my priority right? so what am i doing? ... i really suck.
But what did i do right? I know it is like wrong to say positive things about myself but hey yea, i think it helps in my self discovery.
I encourage people: I love encouraging people with my smileys and more, i like to make other people smile, at least let them know that there is happiness to be found in this world. :D Thus i put alot of smileys in my texts and stuff. I know that compared to many others i live a luxurious life, and i should not abuse it, rather i should try to at least spread the love around. I want to do volunteer work to raise funds. I think that is what my life mission is for: To bring a smile to others faces.
I wonder what makes me popular? Or am i just living in a dream, maybe im not popular at all but i have just wrapped a blanket over myself. That is what i am most afraid about. That i am blind to my own negative side and never change them. HAha if your reading this, if u feel i have anything that i can improve on in any areas of my life, please tell me!!! :D i would greatly appreciate it, and i wont be offended, rather i will be really grateful to you! :D
So many thoughts surrounding me this days, most likely because i force myself to think about this kind of stuff so that i can be a better person. I just wanna be a better person someday.
Diary: Friday 19th August 2011:
Normal typical day at school:
I GREATLY DISLIKE typing those words above. Typical day at school! Why can't everyday
be like an extraordinary memorable day that i can really blog about rather htan the usual stuff? Like seriously, life is too precious to be wasted on this kinda ordinary stuff!!!
Diary: 20th August 2011:
Man i feel sad, like seriously no outings le. I wonder if everyone's busy or just that i am getting left out, i hope not kena pangseh, i would be really sad ...
Jesusfreak at 8:29 AM
Friday, August 19, 2011
I'm getting over the cambodia trip. At least im not thinking so much about it now. I have decided to go for these trips when i am in JC! This week had been a really tiring week with the Level 3 workshop. Everyday i reach home at around 7pm, eat dinner, and then started on my lonely life at home. I used to want to do many things, but time constraints so far has made me lose passion for alot of things. I feel that i have become a colder person too, more of a nerd, instead of my last time fun loving self. I have changed. I have become more routine, more systematic and more conscious of time, rather than my old self when what i wanted to do was just to be happy. Part of this is most probably attributed to my parents pushing me to get good results, if they wasnt pleased with my results, then i would not be allowed to attend the camps or anything fun or whatnot in the December holidays, which is what i have been looking forward to for the whole year only.
I have become like a time conscious freak now, since the start of this term.
From the start of the year to end of first semester i worked hard and forced myself to study, but i wasn't so conscious about time, i would just set a minimum study time for myself everyday and try to achieve it. Also i spent more time playing basketball and hanging out with kawee they all too. That was the friendship that i have built up...
However since the start of this semester I have become a time conscious freak. I now try and plan my time very carefully, with time specifically controlled for relax, or for chionging reading or anything else. That made me more stress... i now try to study more than 2 hours a day too. I think i need a good time to relax soon, so that i wont overwork.
My typical day.
Morning: Mornings will be spent at morning meetings for SL, the meetings are boring and sometimes not needed, but it is still necessary i guess, no offense anyhow, but yea thats how i feel. Then i will go back to my class and sit down.
If there is no morning meeting then i will just go to class.
Usually i will talk to Glen then. If its English reading period i will read a little or think about stuff and if its chinese then i will just switch off and think about life.
Lesson times: I will pay more attention in class nowadays compared to last time, or i will switch to my inner thoughts,sometimes i talk with chengyih and joshua, but i feel that a change of place might be good so that we can know more people and thus the class can be more bonded too.
Recess: If not spent doing duties or eating with someone i will go to the back of class to study, chat or do pullups, amazingly we use the ladder leading to roof as a pullup bar and we can actually do pullups on it.
After school: If not spent doing projects or necessary stuff on i will try to go out to eat lunch with friends.
I must make use of more 1-1 interactions... I think.
One way i can do these is through writing cards, such as birthday cards or through any other opportunities, that is the best, helps to break ice and improve friendships passively too, i hope that maybe on my birthday, i will receive cards back, but nvm, i believe that everyone should receive at least a card on their birthday, so they wont feel sad or left out but feel that there is at least someone who cares for them.
My thoughts: This might be offensive ... But since not many people read this blog, i shall just type it out. i feel that people in our society this days should look out for people who are left out. These people are actually very easily spotted, however because we keep looking out for our good friends, not saying that it is wrong but natural, people get left behind, like accidentally pangseh, as we are teenagers this days, we value friendship alot, and even a simple incident such as these may make people feel sad. I know, cause i have been thruough, i try to take it in my pace by just being calm and not letting my thoughts run wild. So i feel that people should look out for people left behind, maybe reach a hand behind, say hi even, smile wave, make hte person feel that he/she knows that he or she is not alone.
Everyone is walking a hard journey now, everyone has their own struggles and stuff, i think that this is to strengthen us somehow for society which will be much more harsher next time. Why must life be so hard indeed? cant we just forgive and forget, reach a hand to everyone and make friends with everybody, form inclusive cliques and make outings more wider, in this case everyone will feel accepted liek this. However i know that this is just a utopia, but i believe that we can just make the world a better place through our own ways...
I wish i have more time and more freedom to do the things i want, how great things would life be if i needn't fight so hard for any opportunities. Life is really hard. I know that life is hard for everyone, so i shouldn't be complaining, thus i try to encourage others on in their life too...
I have become like a time conscious freak now, since the start of this term.
From the start of the year to end of first semester i worked hard and forced myself to study, but i wasn't so conscious about time, i would just set a minimum study time for myself everyday and try to achieve it. Also i spent more time playing basketball and hanging out with kawee they all too. That was the friendship that i have built up...
However since the start of this semester I have become a time conscious freak. I now try and plan my time very carefully, with time specifically controlled for relax, or for chionging reading or anything else. That made me more stress... i now try to study more than 2 hours a day too. I think i need a good time to relax soon, so that i wont overwork.
My typical day.
Morning: Mornings will be spent at morning meetings for SL, the meetings are boring and sometimes not needed, but it is still necessary i guess, no offense anyhow, but yea thats how i feel. Then i will go back to my class and sit down.
If there is no morning meeting then i will just go to class.
Usually i will talk to Glen then. If its English reading period i will read a little or think about stuff and if its chinese then i will just switch off and think about life.
Lesson times: I will pay more attention in class nowadays compared to last time, or i will switch to my inner thoughts,sometimes i talk with chengyih and joshua, but i feel that a change of place might be good so that we can know more people and thus the class can be more bonded too.
Recess: If not spent doing duties or eating with someone i will go to the back of class to study, chat or do pullups, amazingly we use the ladder leading to roof as a pullup bar and we can actually do pullups on it.
After school: If not spent doing projects or necessary stuff on i will try to go out to eat lunch with friends.
I must make use of more 1-1 interactions... I think.
One way i can do these is through writing cards, such as birthday cards or through any other opportunities, that is the best, helps to break ice and improve friendships passively too, i hope that maybe on my birthday, i will receive cards back, but nvm, i believe that everyone should receive at least a card on their birthday, so they wont feel sad or left out but feel that there is at least someone who cares for them.
My thoughts: This might be offensive ... But since not many people read this blog, i shall just type it out. i feel that people in our society this days should look out for people who are left out. These people are actually very easily spotted, however because we keep looking out for our good friends, not saying that it is wrong but natural, people get left behind, like accidentally pangseh, as we are teenagers this days, we value friendship alot, and even a simple incident such as these may make people feel sad. I know, cause i have been thruough, i try to take it in my pace by just being calm and not letting my thoughts run wild. So i feel that people should look out for people left behind, maybe reach a hand behind, say hi even, smile wave, make hte person feel that he/she knows that he or she is not alone.
Everyone is walking a hard journey now, everyone has their own struggles and stuff, i think that this is to strengthen us somehow for society which will be much more harsher next time. Why must life be so hard indeed? cant we just forgive and forget, reach a hand to everyone and make friends with everybody, form inclusive cliques and make outings more wider, in this case everyone will feel accepted liek this. However i know that this is just a utopia, but i believe that we can just make the world a better place through our own ways...
I wish i have more time and more freedom to do the things i want, how great things would life be if i needn't fight so hard for any opportunities. Life is really hard. I know that life is hard for everyone, so i shouldn't be complaining, thus i try to encourage others on in their life too...
Jesusfreak at 9:19 AM
Is alot of stuff happening everyday? or am i just thinking too much or caring too much? I feel like an ass, i became someone whom i said i would never be, i became a hypocrite. I said i wouldn't leave anybody, but yet, why am i distancing myself from others? Even though i know how the person on the receiving end will feel. Its just so evil, and that is me. What should i do to make it up? I cant. Only maybe the next time i should pei the person. After all everyone is looking for companionship. If i choose to chase my own friends only, i would be selfish myself as i would be neglecting others feelings and inevitable hurt others, as i think i have done many times before already.
Also, i think i use sorry too many times. I spam it literally, even though it may reflect how i feel, i am really afraid to offend people, so i generally don't 'play' too much, unless its with close friends, but it takes really long to break down the barrier. Why am i like that? maybe it is because i do not want to make any enemies at all, that's why i control myself in everything i do. Sometimes too much control is not good too, my teammates also say that i should just be myself around them, no need to be too formal at all. I should not say sorry, rather i should concentrate my attention on avoiding the mistake. So many times in volleyball have i given up a hope on a ball and just stone there, at least i could have made an effort and chiong to block it, who knows it might even turn up well.
Random People: I wanna make friends with some random people that i have in my mind, i dunno, maybe im a stalker or something... But i do not go online to say hi to random people le, although i did it in the past. Part of it is cause maybe i know alot of people le, and also part of it is cause of less time spent online cause of more time spent studying -.-. I hope people dont think i am a nerd, although actually im one now... Come back home immediately mug for awhile, then come online for awhile to blog or watch some movies. Rather i like to spend most of my energy trying to have fun im school, but now even this is hard. During recess i usually can't find people to go down to eat with, and i usually do not ask people, thus i prefer going to the back of class to meet people like wei sheng and geraldine and chat and relax for the recess, this is what i have been doing for most of the recesses. Also after school i dunno where all my friends go le, cant find people to eat lunch with too. Last time we played basketball together, however nowadays they don't le... and i'm usually still looking for people, sometimes i just find a few friends to catch up with. Also outings are dropping, usually will go out on both sat and sun, but cause of busy school schedule, with so much commitments, i guess people are not free to go out le.
I wish we werent so busy but given more time for personal reflection and also enjoyment, better for our mental health, now time has almost become like a luxury, rather than trying to waste time away in the past...
Life has changed so much indeed. From sec 1 to sec 2. From sec 3 semester 1 to sec 3 semester 2. I seem to have become a different person with different facets every single time. When can i find a personality where i will really fit into and it suits me well? Maybe thats why we are still teenagers cause we are shaping our personalities and lives most drastically within this period...
Why do i say one thing and do another. Why do i claim to be a christian but actually my thoughts and actions are not like one.
I AM A Hyprocrite. End. God help me...
I must mean what i say and say what i mean, if not i will rather not say it i guess.
I hope the next few days would be able to set my thoughts right, and set me in a direction that is for my future character improvement.
Good luck to everyone for prelim's tomorrow :D!!
Also, i think i use sorry too many times. I spam it literally, even though it may reflect how i feel, i am really afraid to offend people, so i generally don't 'play' too much, unless its with close friends, but it takes really long to break down the barrier. Why am i like that? maybe it is because i do not want to make any enemies at all, that's why i control myself in everything i do. Sometimes too much control is not good too, my teammates also say that i should just be myself around them, no need to be too formal at all. I should not say sorry, rather i should concentrate my attention on avoiding the mistake. So many times in volleyball have i given up a hope on a ball and just stone there, at least i could have made an effort and chiong to block it, who knows it might even turn up well.
Random People: I wanna make friends with some random people that i have in my mind, i dunno, maybe im a stalker or something... But i do not go online to say hi to random people le, although i did it in the past. Part of it is cause maybe i know alot of people le, and also part of it is cause of less time spent online cause of more time spent studying -.-. I hope people dont think i am a nerd, although actually im one now... Come back home immediately mug for awhile, then come online for awhile to blog or watch some movies. Rather i like to spend most of my energy trying to have fun im school, but now even this is hard. During recess i usually can't find people to go down to eat with, and i usually do not ask people, thus i prefer going to the back of class to meet people like wei sheng and geraldine and chat and relax for the recess, this is what i have been doing for most of the recesses. Also after school i dunno where all my friends go le, cant find people to eat lunch with too. Last time we played basketball together, however nowadays they don't le... and i'm usually still looking for people, sometimes i just find a few friends to catch up with. Also outings are dropping, usually will go out on both sat and sun, but cause of busy school schedule, with so much commitments, i guess people are not free to go out le.
I wish we werent so busy but given more time for personal reflection and also enjoyment, better for our mental health, now time has almost become like a luxury, rather than trying to waste time away in the past...
Life has changed so much indeed. From sec 1 to sec 2. From sec 3 semester 1 to sec 3 semester 2. I seem to have become a different person with different facets every single time. When can i find a personality where i will really fit into and it suits me well? Maybe thats why we are still teenagers cause we are shaping our personalities and lives most drastically within this period...
Why do i say one thing and do another. Why do i claim to be a christian but actually my thoughts and actions are not like one.
I AM A Hyprocrite. End. God help me...
I must mean what i say and say what i mean, if not i will rather not say it i guess.
I hope the next few days would be able to set my thoughts right, and set me in a direction that is for my future character improvement.
Good luck to everyone for prelim's tomorrow :D!!
Jesusfreak at 9:04 AM
Saturday, August 13, 2011
And i feel myself losing control.
Control over my time, my thoughts, my emotions, my actions.
I am doing what i never said i will be doing. Shouting back at my parents, wasting time procrastinating. How am I supposed to live up to everything i promised?
Sometimes i think its a test and its a trial, that helps me to control myself better. Maybe it really is, and i can strengthen my self-control through this.
Logic > Emotions. At least that's what i tell myself.
Sometimes it doesn't really work out though. And sometimes my experiences in life work against me.
Life has taught me that if you fight for something hard enough, you will eventually get it.
However, what if it is impossible to fight back against? What if its like coming up against a brick wall? I only end up hurting myself further with indignation.
But I comfort myself with the hopes of a better future. I pen down all those missed opportunities, to be completed in the future, the time for this experience may not be right now, but it may be in the future, and that is what pushes me on.
I know i should be content with everything that i have. But why is my emotions taking over my logic into actions?
I pray to God to help me...
Control over my time, my thoughts, my emotions, my actions.
I am doing what i never said i will be doing. Shouting back at my parents, wasting time procrastinating. How am I supposed to live up to everything i promised?
Sometimes i think its a test and its a trial, that helps me to control myself better. Maybe it really is, and i can strengthen my self-control through this.
Logic > Emotions. At least that's what i tell myself.
Sometimes it doesn't really work out though. And sometimes my experiences in life work against me.
Life has taught me that if you fight for something hard enough, you will eventually get it.
However, what if it is impossible to fight back against? What if its like coming up against a brick wall? I only end up hurting myself further with indignation.
But I comfort myself with the hopes of a better future. I pen down all those missed opportunities, to be completed in the future, the time for this experience may not be right now, but it may be in the future, and that is what pushes me on.
I know i should be content with everything that i have. But why is my emotions taking over my logic into actions?
I pray to God to help me...
Jesusfreak at 10:37 PM