Sunday, August 21, 2011

I feel like a monster. Everything i do.
Hypocrite, rude, never keep to my promises, set goals but never complete them, don't stick to my commitments, pangseh friends, judge, flawed perceptions.
All my traits.
It may not seem so, but i am actually not a nice person, but inwardly im a different person. If only my emotions can be displayed out. Hiding all the negative traits is just a blanket of positive traits only, inwardly my emotions battle with me whole day. Between doing the right thing and doing things that i enjoy.

Like lying to my father. he always calls me everyday at around the afternoon to ask me where i am. Although its irritating, i know its because he cares.
The right thing to do would be to tell him the truth.
But because i want to keep going out, cause he doesnt want me to go out too much as he wants me to study, i lie to him that i am somewhere else and reject his call.

Like Dao-ing sms-es or people. I made a vow and i self-claim that i will never hate anybody nor reject anyone for any reason. Apparently i failed at this. So far i have owed 6 ppl. And the list keeps going on. How am i going to face the world? how can i even keep to my word?
The right thing to do would be to: Keep to my word, reciprocrate all friendships, and reply sms-es within a 20min timeframe.
What i am doing: I don't reciprocrate all, i am still a naive fool looking seeking for black gold without a map. And i sometimes dun reply sms-es. Damn. The feeling of getting ur sms-es dao-ed is not good, so i must not let others feel like that...

Like Being rude to my parents. Sometimes my parents ask me redundant questions. Its because they care, but because i only want to be absorbed in my own little bubble i tend to be rude to them in the hope that they would quickly leave asking me.
The right thing to do would be: To chat with them and cherish what precious little time we have together, alas im too naive...
What i am doing: I just failed... Failed in everything if i cant even reply my parents politely but consider the opinions of friends so much. My parents should be like my priority right? so what am i doing? ... i really suck.

But what did i do right? I know it is like wrong to say positive things about myself but hey yea, i think it helps in my self discovery.

I encourage people: I love encouraging people with my smileys and more, i like to make other people smile, at least let them know that there is happiness to be found in this world. :D Thus i put alot of smileys in my texts and stuff. I know that compared to many others i live a luxurious life, and i should not abuse it, rather i should try to at least spread the love around. I want to do volunteer work to raise funds. I think that is what my life mission is for: To bring a smile to others faces.

I wonder what makes me popular? Or am i just living in a dream, maybe im not popular at all but i have just wrapped a blanket over myself. That is what i am most afraid about. That i am blind to my own negative side and never change them. HAha if your reading this, if u feel i have anything that i can improve on in any areas of my life, please tell me!!! :D i would greatly appreciate it, and i wont be offended, rather i will be really grateful to you! :D

So many thoughts surrounding me this days, most likely because i force myself to think about this kind of stuff so that i can be a better person. I just wanna be a better person someday.


Diary: Friday 19th August 2011:
Normal typical day at school:
I GREATLY DISLIKE typing those words above. Typical day at school! Why can't everyday
be like an extraordinary memorable day that i can really blog about rather htan the usual stuff? Like seriously, life is too precious to be wasted on this kinda ordinary stuff!!!

Diary: 20th August 2011:
Man i feel sad, like seriously no outings le. I wonder if everyone's busy or just that i am getting left out, i hope not kena pangseh, i would be really sad ...