Friday, August 19, 2011

I'm getting over the cambodia trip. At least im not thinking so much about it now. I have decided to go for these trips when i am in JC! This week had been a really tiring week with the Level 3 workshop. Everyday i reach home at around 7pm, eat dinner, and then started on my lonely life at home. I used to want to do many things, but time constraints so far has made me lose passion for alot of things. I feel that i have become a colder person too, more of a nerd, instead of my last time fun loving self. I have changed. I have become more routine, more systematic and more conscious of time, rather than my old self when what i wanted to do was just to be happy. Part of this is most probably attributed to my parents pushing me to get good results, if they wasnt pleased with my results, then i would not be allowed to attend the camps or anything fun or whatnot in the December holidays, which is what i have been looking forward to for the whole year only.
I have become like a time conscious freak now, since the start of this term.
From the start of the year to end of first semester i worked hard and forced myself to study, but i wasn't so conscious about time, i would just set a minimum study time for myself everyday and try to achieve it. Also i spent more time playing basketball and hanging out with kawee they all too. That was the friendship that i have built up...

However since the start of this semester I have become a time conscious freak. I now try and plan my time very carefully, with time specifically controlled for relax, or for chionging reading or anything else. That made me more stress... i now try to study more than 2 hours a day too. I think i need a good time to relax soon, so that i wont overwork.

My typical day.
Morning: Mornings will be spent at morning meetings for SL, the meetings are boring and sometimes not needed, but it is still necessary i guess, no offense anyhow, but yea thats how i feel. Then i will go back to my class and sit down.
If there is no morning meeting then i will just go to class.
Usually i will talk to Glen then. If its English reading period i will read a little or think about stuff and if its chinese then i will just switch off and think about life.

Lesson times: I will pay more attention in class nowadays compared to last time, or i will switch to my inner thoughts,sometimes i talk with chengyih and joshua, but i feel that a change of place might be good so that we can know more people and thus the class can be more bonded too.

Recess: If not spent doing duties or eating with someone i will go to the back of class to study, chat or do pullups, amazingly we use the ladder leading to roof as a pullup bar and we can actually do pullups on it.

After school: If not spent doing projects or necessary stuff on i will try to go out to eat lunch with friends.

I must make use of more 1-1 interactions... I think.
One way i can do these is through writing cards, such as birthday cards or through any other opportunities, that is the best, helps to break ice and improve friendships passively too, i hope that maybe on my birthday, i will receive cards back, but nvm, i believe that everyone should receive at least a card on their birthday, so they wont feel sad or left out but feel that there is at least someone who cares for them.

My thoughts: This might be offensive ... But since not many people read this blog, i shall just type it out. i feel that people in our society this days should look out for people who are left out. These people are actually very easily spotted, however because we keep looking out for our good friends, not saying that it is wrong but natural, people get left behind, like accidentally pangseh, as we are teenagers this days, we value friendship alot, and even a simple incident such as these may make people feel sad. I know, cause i have been thruough, i try to take it in my pace by just being calm and not letting my thoughts run wild. So i feel that people should look out for people left behind, maybe reach a hand behind, say hi even, smile wave, make hte person feel that he/she knows that he or she is not alone.
Everyone is walking a hard journey now, everyone has their own struggles and stuff, i think that this is to strengthen us somehow for society which will be much more harsher next time. Why must life be so hard indeed? cant we just forgive and forget, reach a hand to everyone and make friends with everybody, form inclusive cliques and make outings more wider, in this case everyone will feel accepted liek this. However i know that this is just a utopia, but i believe that we can just make the world a better place through our own ways...

I wish i have more time and more freedom to do the things i want, how great things would life be if i needn't fight so hard for any opportunities. Life is really hard. I know that life is hard for everyone, so i shouldn't be complaining, thus i try to encourage others on in their life too...